My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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