Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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