shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
