I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
