In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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