there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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