official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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