Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
