Define "chronic" masturbator.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
