It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
