He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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