Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize