im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize