does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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