his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
