I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The air was thick with penises
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
