Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
