please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
