Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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