You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
