Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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