Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
