lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
