the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize