I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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