I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
