If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
