I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
