man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Are we still banned from the library?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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