Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
