Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
