I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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