Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
