Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
