Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
