i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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