Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
