I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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