Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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