If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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