Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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