fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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