Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I will pee on everything he values.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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