Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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