for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
