i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
