so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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