I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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