I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
