What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
