I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
