tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
