what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
