I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
