porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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