had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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