Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
