I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
