I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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