Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
