It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
