its not stalking. its research.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
