He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
