Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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