nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
