You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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