I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
