Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
